Joy to the whirl
I know it sounds morbid to say, but if someone told me I’d die in a matter of months, I’d probably jump for joy. I mean, life is a wonderful and glorious thing–unquestionably. But when it’s your time to go, it’s your time. And plus, I’m as curious as anyone to know what actually happens when you die.
There are also many things I would not miss about life, a partial list of which I’ve included here:
- waking up in the morning
- vacuuming
- when my shoelaces become untied
- commercials
- commercials that advertise, “Results Not Typical”
- waiting in line
- having to go to the gym
- overhearing lame conversations
- calling a taxi that never shows up
- being asked for change on the street
- getting the wrong change
- sleep deprivation
- when things fall
- walking uphill
- regrets
- accidentally biting my tongue while chewing
- cleaning the toilet
- flossing
- making polite conversation
- loud noises
- unappealing people
- joint pains
- all pain
- bad music
- that uncomfortable feeling underneath the skin of my nails after I clip my nails
- taking out the trash
- the way seats in movie theatres are too fucking close to one another
- the way seats on an airplane are too fucking close to one another
- the phrase, “you guys” (although I would miss using it mockingly)
- insects
- people who stare
- pushing a door open when it’s meant to be pulled
- pulling a door open when it’s meant to be pushed
- the sun when it’s too hot
- wind
- people who are happy and inebriated when I am not
- tipping
- junk emails
- nosebleeds
- having to refill the stapler
- sweating
- skinny jeans
- Elaine Paige
- bad grammar
Well, my goodness, I could go on forever. But you get my point, right?
