The Jigtastic Journal of J. Na Na

Either I slept on my back wrong (again) last night, or my new bed, the one I bought less than six months ago, is already falling apart on my fat ass.  ‘Cause my back’s all janked up today.  Plus I’ve been sleepy as hell since yesterday.  And I’m flat out of cash until tomorrow.

Add to that the fact that Trader Joe’s was packed to the brim because of Thanksgiving today, which just doubly annoyed my black ass.  I hate the holidays a bit.  I mean, I like the time off, but the fact that everything’s either crowded or closed really blows.

I’ll be at Roze’s getting stuffed, smashed, and playing “Seinfeld” Trivial Pursuit. 

May you be blessed with turkey roast and thoughts of slain Indians on the day.

I got it.  I got the promotion.  I’m in like Flynn, with a nice extra 10k a year in the bucket.  I actually had a dream that I was crying as I left my cubicle to my new office, with a large posterboard and coffee mug in hand.  There are times when I am sad and wistful about it, and others when I am overjoyed to be moving on to something new and exciting.  And of course to have my own office again.  And some extra scrilla, son.  Go me!

I once had a roommate applicant, some retail queen, who was very into clothes.  Only he kept spelling it “cloths”.  So it was, “I’m usually pretty clean except I leave lots of cloths around.  Yes, I’m a total cloths queen.  I work at a store downtown that sells designer cloths for men and woman.”  And I kept thinking, How novel to open a store that specializes in designer cloths.  For men and women, no less.  A place dedicated to these masterful dual agents of washing and wiping down.  The possibilities seemed nigh endless.

A friend of mine recently mentioned how since she’s a non-practicing Jew who isn’t strictly religious, and thus not discriminatory, I should be thankful for people like her and wish there were more of her.  (This stemmed from some discussion of Prop 8 [yaaaay Prop 8!]).  By which she meant, more people who were not discriminatory.  And I just thought, No, you don’t get props for being non-discriminatory and doing the right thing.  There’s no merit badge or gold star coming your way for behaving like a decent human being.  Having perspective and a sense of fairness and equality does not qualify you as a saint or star. 

It’s just how you should be.

With the passage of Proposition 8 in California, and amendments in other states banning same-sex marriage, I would like to further this cause in helping protect the sanctity of marriage by proposing a new amendment to the United States Constitution aptly titled the Protection of the Sanctity of Marriage Amendment.

Here are its three major clauses:
1. Since sex before marriage is a sin, both parties must prove their virginity before being permitted to marry. The future bride must undergo a medical examination to ensure she still has a hymen, and the future groom must likewise do so to ensure he’s never ejaculated.

2. Both parties must have co-habitated for at least a year, undergo rigorous psychological counseling to ensure compatibility, and appear before a trial by jury to guarantee they will have a successful and long-lasting marriage. Since there is a fifty percent divorce rate in this country, we are all to be considered guilty of trying to initiate a failed marriage until proven otherwise in a court of law.

3. This one I call the “love lost, limb lost” clause. That is, if you get a divorce or if you’re caught committing adultery, you will have the limb of your choice amputated as punishment. What better way to protect the pure, unfettered sanctity of marriage than to scare people into staying in it, right?

Let’s start collecting signatures, you guys!

Saturday, LG came into the City and we barhopped a bit through the ‘Stro, then segued to the Haight where he hopes to move one day soon.  As long as he can keep his relationship with MJ civil, I see this as a positive thing.  Plus it means we could do lunch during weekdays.

Then yesterday, the fortuitous day off for Veteran’s Day, I awoke at the crack of the crack, walked all the way up to Parnassus Heights, and got my grocery shopping and laundry done.  Then I treated myself to a ghetto mojito (vodka, 7-up, and a twist of lime) when I got home for getting so much done.  It’s good exercise taking these power walks up the giant hills of SF, but it’s also somewhat depressing seeing all the beautiful homes in such posh locales.  There was even a place for rent, and I could see through the front window to this breathtaking view of the City from the living room.  Of course, it would also be a bone breaking trek trying to haul groceries or just getting home if I lived in such a place.

I miss going out to dinner.  Not that I used to do it all that much, but I feel like I rarely if ever do it now.  And it’s nice to have someone else feed you and clean up after you, ya know?

I don’t know how I thought I was getting along just fine with 400 texts a month on my plan.  Then I got my most recent bill, and discovered $39 in overage charges.  It has since been changed to 1400 a month for only $5 more.

I would have cherished Daylight Savings a bit more if it hadn’t have been for some fucktard outside my window having some loud sort of conversation around 3:00 am.  I hate all people sometimes.

More than a few times a week, it just occurs to me that I’m an adult.  That means I have to:
1. Have a job
2. Buy my own food
3. Make my own meals
4. Buy my own everything; and
5. Do my own laundry

Of course, it also means I can:
1. Do pretty much anything I want whenever I want.

Still, there are times like last night when I was absolutely exhausted, but had to pick up my clothes from the laundromat before it closed when I still wish I was a kid.  Like how you would fall asleep in the car, and when you got home, your mom or dad would carry you, still asleep, to your bed.  And you didn’t have to take out your contacts or wash and moisturize your face.  You just fell asleep and had a wonderful, uninterrupted night’s sleep.

I might be willing to give up doing pretty much anything I wanted whenever I want to if I could just have someone carry me off to sleep every night.