Fit to be tied
Some bastard-ass piece of shit stole my comforter and a nearly-empty bottle of detergent at the laundromat on Saturday. The nearly-empty bottle of detergent, I was willing to part with. And the comforter, which was oversized, somewhat stained, and ready to be replaced, was no deep loss either.
But it’s the second time I’ve been robbed at the same local laundromat. It’s what happens when you leave stuff there too long. But I’d been overburdened with 3000 pounds of groceries when I’d gotten home, and figured it could wait.
So, I put my non-pilfered load of laundary into the dryer, went home, located a chance bottle of quarter-full detergent, and poured into it the following:
1. 2 cups of Draino (maximum strength)
2. 1 cup of bleach (ultra whitening)
3. a 60 second stream of Raid bug spray (ants, roaches, and spiders)
4. a few globules of my super-stainy brown eyebrow dye (otherwise I look like an albino)
The consistency, I have to say, was surreptitiously divine, and smelled sweet as could be. You’d never know that what lie within that quaint purple bottle bearing daisies and Snuggle the Cuddle Bear promising a fresh, clean wash reminiscent of a bright, spring morning actually bore a fabric-obliterating concoction of devious proportions. I then walked back down to the laundromat, left the bottle there, and took my load home.
I hope whoever takes it is crushed.
