Smackdown, crack down, break it down
I hate it when I get into work earlier than usual, and everone greets me with "oh" faces and says some crap like, "Wow! What’re you doing here?!!? Is something wrong?" So I woke up a little earlier than usual. It’s not like I usually stroll in at noon.
From "Anybody Out There?" by Marian Keyes (caveat: This is not a self-help book, but a wonderful "Sex in the City"-esque work of fiction by one of my fave authors)
The main character, Anna, was in a car accident with her boyfriend, and temporarily moved back home to Ireland to be rehabilitated. While at home, she noticed each morning that an old woman would walk her dog to the front of their house and urge it to urinate right in their front lawn. She later returns back to New York, tries to restart up her life, etc. but there’s this one funny part where her mother randomly sends her the following email (p.s. Helen is Anna’s sister, a garrulous sort who has just gotten a job as a detective spying on cheating husbands):
To: Magiciansgilr1@yahoo.com
From: Thewalshes1@eircom.net
Subject: The woman and her dog
Dear Anna,
I hope you are keeping well. Just remember you can come home whenever you want and we will mind you. I am writing in connection with the woman and the dog who was "doing his business" at our front gate.
I will admit that we all thought you were imagining things, as a result of the tablets you are on. But I am not afraid to "step up" to the "plate" (what does that mean? Is it a barbecuing term?) and say I was wrong. Myself and Helen have watched her over the last few mornings and it has become clear to us that she is indeed urging her dog to "pee" at our front gate and I just wanted to keep you "in the loop" as they say. As yet we haven’t identified her. As you know she is an old woman and all old woman look the same to me. As you also know your sister Helen has high-powered binoculars, which your father paid for. But she will not give me a "go" of them, she says I have to pay her the going rate for her time. I do not think this is one bit fair. If you are talking to her, will you tell her I said that. Also if she tells you any "scoop" on the woman’s identity be sure to let me know.
Your loving mother,
Mum
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Hysterical!!
