The Jigtastic Journal of J. Na Na

I do not support going out to dinner as an acceptable first date.  You want to create a good first impression, and no one looks cute eating except for two year olds, and even that’s a stretch.  Suggest something new–a stroll through some scenic site, window shopping or real shopping, a random visit to someplace you’ve always wanted to go–and you’ll stand out in memory while concurrently avoiding looking like a ravenous sloth in the restaurant.  And a cheapskate, or worse since:

1. If he pays, you gotta put out.

2. If you go dutch, it’s like you’ll have to support him for the rest of your life ’cause he clearly can’t afford to pay for the entire meal otherwise he would’ve; or,

3. If you pay, you run the risk of him thinking this is standard procedure when in fact it may just mean that
     a) he better put out or
     b) this is just a gesture of courtesy to make up for the fact that you will never,
     ever, ever call the ugly, bovine bastard again.

"Ma’am!  Ma’am!  Don’t piddle on my leg and tell me it’s raining!"
–Judge Judy

That Aussie jackass who wrangles crocks for a living finally kicked the bucket last night after being stung by a sting ray.  And can I just say haaaaa ha ha ha how can you think you can make a living going up against Mother Nature?  Our Father who art in heaven may be all forgiving, but Mama gon’ knock you out if you fuck with Her ass.

Is that really Kate Moss, Jeremy Piven, et. al. in those GAP ads, or deceptive celebrity look-a-likes?  And either way, why?

I miss the days of the double-sided tulip.

Hey there, ho patrol! It’s Labor Day weekend and time to ‘ppreciate…the fact that we work (?). Enjoy Monday off and remember, God is watching yo’ ass.

I only drink things served in bottles now that can then be poured into a cup full of ice. It’s my new thing.

Why is it when black people win a game show, they start screaming and hollering and profusely thanking Jesus? As if our Lord and Savior, well known for saying to his disciples, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God" would be looking down on us and rooting for us to hit the big money.