And this week in celebrity news…
I’m sorry, but I just find Gwen Stefani outright annoying. I tried to like her, really, but if it isn’t her helium-fueled singing voice that’s bugging me, it’s that dizzying funky, chunky garb she dons like some overgrown Punky Brewster. So many colors, patterns, and designs set against the inevitably bared, mannequin pale midriff, and topped off with a blasphemously trendy bindi dot thingy. Enough already.
Talan from “Laguna Beach” is engaged to blond horse Kimberly Stewart, daughter of singer Rod Stewart and runner-up party pal to Paris Hilton. You know, I was still trying to keep my bearings up now that the season has ended (*sniff*…*snort*…), but then you go and drop this nasty whammy on me? The distastefulness of it all makes me miss Kristin even more. Kristin: my alpha female idol…
The next time some super beautiful model or actress does an interview in which she claims she was a gangly ugly duckling as a child (*ahem* Eva Longoria! You wanna sorta tune in here, sweetheart?), she should immediately be slapped three time fast for being both trite and passively boastful. Fuck you and your “Woe was me when I was young, but if my friends could see me now” bullshit. We don’t need to hear that. For once, I’d like to see one o’ dem bitches respond honestly to a question about their secret beauty regime. Something along the lines of, “Oh, no regime here. Just the right combination of smoke, lights, mirrors, makeup, hair, and Mr. Botox by my side, holla! Plus the luck of the draw with genetics to a lesser degree” (cue smile).
Am I the only person who would give, like, ten—nay, twenty—years of my life to look drop dead gorgeous? Terrible thing to say, I know, but being super pretty seems like it would be, I dunno, pretty cool.
