Music…makes the meat go…with the cheddar…yeeeah
When I discovered my Comcast subscription included a whole set of audio-only music channels called Music Choice, it opened up a whole new dimension of fun to my already thrilling cable experience. My channel of choice has been the ‘90s one: “Relive the diversity of the ‘90s with the top rock, pop and R & B hits of the decade.” More of a mutt-like era in music than the current hip hop-saturated 2000s, but a wonderful trip down memory lane for my nostalgic-as-hell ass.
They also flash little nuggets of information about the artist onscreen that are sometimes relevant (“Madonna had a No. 1 hit with ‘Vogue’ on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1990!”), other times ridiculous (“Shawn Colvin appeared on ‘The Drew Carey Show’!”), and occasionally just plain mean (“After leaving C + C Music Factory in 1992 Freedom Williams pursued an unsuccessful solo career!”). In all, though, it did rally together a few thoughts I had about today’s music and those who perform it:
1. Put your dance on!
They fought so hard to get a dance music category into the Grammy’s, yet the award always seems to go to a song that is not really categorically dance as much as it is danceable. I believe “Hella Good” by No Doubt won last year. And “All For You” by Janet Jackson in 2001. The first year, it went to deserving recipients and longtime disco legends Donna Summer and Giorgio Morodor for “Carry On ‘97”, and reigning DJ supreme Junior Vasquez for Best Remixer. Of course, any validity the award might have had leapt off a cliff the year “Who Let The Dogs Out?” won.
2. Good is good, great is great
I love, love, love, love, love Sheryl Crow’s music. “Good is Good” is such a dandelion of a ditty. I rarely break out of my house music mold, but she just gets rock right everytime in such a way that you just can’t pass it by.
3. Just say no, no, no, no, no, if you wanna live, live, live, live, live
I think it’s great that Destiny’s Child is all about being pro-woman and everything. Now if they’d just remember that they’re also black, and kindly stop shooting commercials for McDonald’s. You see, as a more health-conscious mindset has taken root with the general public, the supersized fast food franchise has found itself with fewer people willing to eat from its menu of McDeath. What’s a multi-billion dollar company to do? Replace those little kid-appealing commercials featuring Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburgler with a more amped up Micky D’s ad campaign aimed at the urban market: “I’m lovin’ it”, which should more accurately be called “I’m dyin’ from it”. They serve absolute refuse, ladies. Don’t complicity support their unconscionable efforts to target your people, and make cash a priority over the health of your community.
4. Been there, Madonna that
Is it just me, or is Madonna coming off a liiitle Kylie in her new “Hung Up” video? “Confessions From a Dancefloor” you say? Honey, when’s the last time your 47-year-old pseudo-Brit butt was in an actual dance club? For real, though? I mean what, did you pop a couple painkillers left over from falling off that horse, ask Guy to babysit one night, and party ‘til the wee hours of 1:00 with your middle-aged “Truth or Dare” posse? And this album is the revelatory end result of that experience? I’m sure you’ve much light to shed on the subject.
5. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t rap ya silly bloke
No one from the United Kingdom should ever, ever, ever rap, and record it, and release an album of it… I said no!!
6. Sad Eye
I applaud Enrique Iglesias for getting that little “third eye” removed. You don’t wanna talk about it, fine, but you’ve been able to afford it all this while, so what’s been the hold up, is all I’m sayin’.
7. Remix it or we’re not talking
Someone needs to make a house remix or two of Alicia Key’s “Unbreakable”. Despite its shameless celebrity references, it’s got a deliciously soulful groove goin’ on that just works for me.
Oh, and I made up my own version of that song she sings, “Some people want it all…” It’s dedicated to a co-worker of mine who’s a little on the greedy side when it comes to pay increases and office supplies:
Some people want it all, but ______ she wants everything!
Accessories for her computer!
Raises that she doesn’t deserve!
