teeees in the wiiiind…
Is it just me, or does the new Pope look like the Emperor from "Star Wars"? Hardly a good sign. Plus, isn’t his name, like, Ratnazi something? I dunno. I can’t stand to look it up.
My left contact lens is driving me bonkers. Then again, I’m wearing a temporary starter up pair that have been with me for far more than the one month recommended by my optician. Once our whole roommate situation settles down and I no longer have to worry about paying rent for the other room in addition to my own, I’ll buckle down and order a regular set. It’s a big problem not being able to tell–"Is he a hottie, or isn’t he… or is that just eye booger blocking some giant flaw on his person?" Time will tell.
Speaking of hotties, I need a hag. Cute and sassy enough to lure in the cuties, but not one to totally outshine a n*gga. Now accepting applications.
I was watching some infomercial for some miracle multivitamin supplement, and the hawker of the pill was discussing with the "host" how that time-tested homily "we are what we eat" was in fact true, to which the "host" replied, "You know, everyone I have on the show emphasizes the importance of eating fruits and vegetables, but in our society it’s IMPOSSIBLE!"
You know, only in America could we have all this chub club, Dr. Phil’s weight loss challenge, obesity epidemic bullshit. While starvation, war, and disease plague and devastate other parts of the world, we whimper about in our inability to manage a basic human function.
When I was in third grade, I remember our teacher introducing a new subject in class that keenly piqued my interest: health. I remember reading about how you’re supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day, and going promptly home that day to create a chart to post next to the water cooler for the family to document and track this basic bodily requirement. I remember reading about how sweets like chocolate bars are bad for your body, and how fruits like apples were good for it. And about how when you brush your teeth, you should include brushing your tongue, too.
Something about the sweet simplicity of it all–treat your body right to keep your life aright–stuck with me, and remains a guiding force to date. I’m no beacon of superior health, but I’ve got the basics down. And such has provided me with the superior intellect to present to the masses of overweight American citizens who are anti-gay the following revelatory fact: Homosexuality is against the ten commandments, you say, but gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. And those baddies were around long before Moses busted out with them stone tablets on high. So, we’re bad, but you’re worse, and until you stop stuffing your face with anti-pasta and Twinkies, you–literally and biblically–have no room to talk. May it rain down fire and Dexatrim ‘pon you!
Haha!
