November 6th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
I think time seems to fly by when you’re older because life generally reaches a sort of statis, and becomes more routine.
When you’re young, your life is divided up grade by grade, you go from elementary school, to middle school, to high school, and maybe to college. Your life is measured out in semesters and summer breaks. When you’re older, have a job, maybe a family, there isn’t as much that breaks up the time into smaller, more recognizable pieces.
I have to pee.
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November 3rd, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
I’m like a magnet for them. The homeless, that is. When I’m on the bus. I mean, I sympathize with these people–to a degree. And I guess they have the right to utilize public transportation just as I do. So if they can scrape together two bucks to hop on a bus that will take them to some other spot in the City, that is their prerogative. But they fucking reek to high heaven. And you know that when you smell something bad, you’re actually breathing in microscopic particles of that thing. That thing in this case being trash and feces. At least the guy this morning was kind enough to open the window near him. But that wasn’t enough for me, who tried to remain decorous by just keeping my fresh-smelling hand near my nose, before throwing in the towel and moving to the back of the bus.
My new thing is just throwing out hybrid girl names. It started with “Katelynn” at Disneyland (Kate + Lynn). Now it’s gone rampant: Sabrinaessica (Sabrina + Jessica). Aprilette (April + Charlotte). Maryessennifer (Mary + Alice + Jennifer). Rachelina (Rachel + Angelina). TOO fun.
This past weekend, it all caught up with me, and I slept in, then took two to three hour naps both Saturday and Sunday. For Halloween, I watched a double feature of “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and “Bettlejuice”, then crashed at 10:00. A far cry from the Halloween of ‘96 when I came up to the Castro, got lost from my friends, and had to sleep out on the street in red vinyl pants until the BART started back up so I could return to Mr. Altherhausen’s dorm in Berkeley where I was staying. I forsake a life without cabs.
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October 28th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
My trip to DLand with Marie and Ashley was a blast. Let me share with you now some highlights and lowlights, mixed together like a magical cocktail for you below:
- Since I’m usually crazily early to the airport out of my own anxious paranoia, I decided to give myself a more casual two-hour buffer before heading out to the airport–and as a result, got there just forty-five minutes before my flight, just enough time to check my baggage
- One of the security personnel at the airport was wearing a turban. I fought the urge to take a picture
- My TV on my Virgin American flight didn’t have most channels. Which bit.
- Our hotel was barely a two-minute walk to both the Disneyland- and California Adventure parks
- Soarin’ Over California was breathtaking, and included both views of my hometown of San Diego and the Golden Gate Bridge. And the moment you’ve included San Francisco in something, you’ve got me
- If I never see another stroller again, it won’t be too soon
- By the third day there, I’d become sick of the chubby soccer moms pointing out the obvious to their children, so I just randomly began imitating them by saying, “Katelynn! Katelynn! Katelynn! Look at the jack-o-lanterns, Katelynn! Katelynn! Katelynn!”
- I’ve never ingested so much expensive and unhealthy food in my life. I’m weeks behind at the gym
- The Twilight Zone of Terror rocked, similar to, but better than Freefall at Magic Mountain
- Get your hand stamped when you go from one park to the other. Although they have a computerized bar code system with their tickets, you still have to do shit the old fashioned way
- I got to take a picture next to a bust of Maleficient, my hero, and favorite Disney character
- Lilo, from “Lilo and Stitch”, got all up in my grill at the restaurant in our hotel when I was texting one morning at breakfast. Fuckin’ puppet almost got a fork in her eye
- Fast passes are an awesome concept–when they’re available
- We got to go on Thunder Mountain–which I called the Rocky Horror Picture Show Mountain Ride because I thought it was called the Rocky Mountain–multiple times because the line was so short
- My sister Marie, cosmetology princess and hair maven, had to sit in the front row on Splash Mountain, and the massively irked look on her face when the picture was taken at the drop was rich
- My eleven-year-old niece Ashley loves to go on the fast roller coasters and thinks the slow rides of Fantasyland are for the birds
- I got to spend time with two of my favorite people in the world
As always, whenever I go out of town, I’m always thrilled to get home to my city by the bay. I’m still not completely caught up on sleep, but at least it’ll be a shorter week, and then it’s one holiday vacation after the next. Horr-fuckin’-ray!
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October 20th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
I am more of a texter than a talker, so if you’re going to call me and expect me to entertain you, think again. You have to at least lead off with something interesting. And I’ll most likely be entertaining anyways since I’m a scintillating conversationalist, but if you’re going to make me stop whatever I’m doing, mute “Judge Judy”, pause the “Viva La Bam” DVD, and set my cocktail down, ya gotta give me somethin’ to start off with.
Talk about yourself. Everyone loves to. And I love to listen to people talk about themselves–within reason–because I’m such a nosey person. I poke and pry, and ask follow up questions that veer on dreadfully personal.
But you gotta at least give it that old college try, lead off with an intro, make a start, form an objective, and make it seem like you gave it a little bit of thought before you decided to call my ass.
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October 14th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
I find young people annoying and old people depressing. I wonder if that means that when I’m older, I’ll find all people annoying.
I’ve been in a dreadful sleep pattern as of late. I get to bed around 1:00 if I’m lucky, 2:00 usually. Then I awaken some time between 4:00 - 6:00, and my mind is wide awake. Then around 8:00 when I’m supposed to wake up, I can actually feel my brain secreting whatever enzyme it is that puts you to sleep. Just dreadful.
I broke out my suitcase from the closet this week as a reminder that DISNEYLAND is but 8 days away. I’m going to go on Splash Mountain 200 times. You guys.
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October 7th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
Hey Gideon,
Don’t be afriad. I know it’s probably pretty frightful to get an email from me, but I got your text last night. I’m guessing you sent it out of some sense of obligation or maybe remorse, but I want you to know it’s okay. I think it’s just best if we made a clean break.
I wish that we could have kept things platonic instead of letting them progress to a romantic level. If you had any uncertainty about where we were headed, I wish you would have made that clearer earlier on. I admit, I may have been misreading signals or being too earnest. I’m not sure what you thought was happening between us, and I’m not sure I want to know since it’s a moot point anyways, but I still appreciate you giving me an honest “no” instead of a conciliatory “yes”.
I’m bummed because I wish we could’ve remained friends, but I think you understand why that would be too difficult. Take care of yourself, and try to look on the bright side of things once in awhile!
Josh
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October 7th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
What do people actually do when someone objects at a wedding?
I wish I could own every new album that is released.
Gideon texted me last night. At least, I think it was him, since I deleted his number. It was from his area code at least. Naturally, I didn’t respond. He just said, “Hey, how ya doin”, no doubt out of some vague sense of remorse. I’m nearly tempted to actually retain a friendship with him and dick him around much like he dicked me around. You know, like plan to meet up at some bar in the Castro one night, but not go. Then text him a half hour later and say, “Hey! I’m here!”, but actually be at another bar. Then he’ll come to the other bar seven blocks away, and I’ll be like, “I’m out on the balcony! Where are you??”. Then I’ll say I went outside to look for him, ran into a friend, and segued to another place, and send him on the run after me again. God, that would be sweet.
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September 30th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
It was the start of a wonderful day when I flipped my calendar to October to reveal my five-day trip to Disneyland coming up in 22 (!) days. I even felt relatively rested when I woke up, even though I’d gotten to bed around 3:00 am. And the clouds parted to reveal a crisp, sunny day when I went off to work.
I also trimmed the fat and cut the ass lose by deleting Gideon from my Facebook list yesterday. It’s ridiculous holding out hope that he’ll reach out to me and at least apologize or ask how I’m doing. I realized over the weekend that he is ultimately a pretty thoughtless person to have gone along with the idea that we were headed towards a relationship, and then declined to make the commitment for some hodge podge sack of bullshit reasons. I’d told myself that I’d keep him as a FB friend because I still wanted to be friends with him, but why would I want to be friends with someone so thoughtless? It’s a pretty distasteful quality in a person.
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September 28th, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
The worst thing in the world you could ever do to me would be to wake me up. To wit, both Saturday and Sunday, the loud-ass forces of evil outside my bedroom window conspired to awaken me nice and early, after which point I could not fall back asleep.
On Saturday, it was the loud queen across the way gossiping away at his kitchen window and then the sound of kids playing in a sandbox. Or so that’s what I thought. But there isn’t a sandbox anywhere outside the vicinity of my window. Only the basement, where the trash recepticles are kept, and the washer and dryer are. Go figure.
Then Sunday, it was the loud queen across the way once again making an appearance at the crack of dawn, and then someone screamed. Either that, or someone was choking a parrot. It was loud, it was piercing, and it was unpleasant.
I would just close the window, but then my room gets all stuffy. Guess I’ll just go mad from sleep deprivation.
There was a marathon of “The Rachel Zoe Project” over the weekend. Rachel Zoe is a very pretty and very unhappy woman and very thin person who must be very hungry and must make a lot of money for doing not a whole lot. She dresses famous people. And has two assistants, to boot, one of whom is a cutie gay boy. And another cutie gay boy who does her make-up. And a chubby cheeked husband with ridiculous hair that no grown man should be sporting. How this woman made a career of picking out shoes and clothes for celebrities is a sheer mystery, the likes of which I’d like to solve so as to do the same.
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September 23rd, 2009 by beautyandthebitch
I know it sounds morbid to say, but if someone told me I’d die in a matter of months, I’d probably jump for joy. I mean, life is a wonderful and glorious thing–unquestionably. But when it’s your time to go, it’s your time. And plus, I’m as curious as anyone to know what actually happens when you die.
There are also many things I would not miss about life, a partial list of which I’ve included here:
- waking up in the morning
- vacuuming
- when my shoelaces become untied
- commercials
- commercials that advertise, “Results Not Typical”
- waiting in line
- having to go to the gym
- overhearing lame conversations
- calling a taxi that never shows up
- being asked for change on the street
- getting the wrong change
- sleep deprivation
- when things fall
- walking uphill
- regrets
- accidentally biting my tongue while chewing
- cleaning the toilet
- flossing
- making polite conversation
- loud noises
- unappealing people
- joint pains
- all pain
- bad music
- that uncomfortable feeling underneath the skin of my nails after I clip my nails
- taking out the trash
- the way seats in movie theatres are too fucking close to one another
- the way seats on an airplane are too fucking close to one another
- the phrase, “you guys” (although I would miss using it mockingly)
- insects
- people who stare
- pushing a door open when it’s meant to be pulled
- pulling a door open when it’s meant to be pushed
- the sun when it’s too hot
- wind
- people who are happy and inebriated when I am not
- tipping
- junk emails
- nosebleeds
- having to refill the stapler
- sweating
- skinny jeans
- Elaine Paige
- bad grammar
Well, my goodness, I could go on forever. But you get my point, right?
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